Devil Worship and Christmas Lights - Home Owners

[Deleted]

I found this quite wildly amusing when it was sent to me.

emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/08/03/devil-worship-and-christmas-lights/

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX
Boone, NC 28607

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you as members of the Evergreen Homeowner’s Association about a concern that has occupied all our minds since you moved into this neighborhood. We are a congregate group of good Christian and God fearing people. The display you have set up on the outer section of your lot has us a bit concerned as the statue appears to be a type of Pagan worshipping symbol, unlike the other lawn decorations in our neighborhood. Shirley Whitley, a neighbor of yours says that this is a Satanic being and that you may be involved in the Occult. We have all noticed strange goings on around the neighborhood. There are flashing lights in the sky and numerous dead animals in the road. We understand that you are a homeowner, but if you will read your declaration of restrictions, obscene or vulgar displays on your property are not allowed. We insist that you remove this questionable display at once. Our children are not to be influenced by Devil worship and deviant behavior.

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

June 16, 2002

Dear Ardna (IF that’s your real name),

I am addressing the issue of my Gargoyle which the benevolent homeowners association seems to take offense to.

I will NOT be removing my Gargoyle any time soon. A Gargoyle is an ancient protector of property, and can be seen all over Europe in the architectural structure. I guess the homeowners association hasn’t gotten to them yet. My Gargoyle basically looks like a puppy with wings. Does this frighten you? I can only imagine you screaming in fear when the Snuggles fabric softener bear is speaking to you through your evil television set.

I would like to file a formal complaint about several yards in the neighborhood. The guy down at 152 has grass that’s over two feet tall. What’s he growing in there? The woman at 138 has a saddle and stirrups decorating her mailbox. What is that all about? I, for one, am not a cowboy, do not like cowboys and find it horrifying how the cowboys treated the Indians and Tom Landry. That guy was the only coach they ever had. Once they fired him, he died. Was that fair? I find cowboys to be highly offensive. Don’t get me started on the pink flamingos in the Whitley yard.

As for the flashes of light in the sky, that’s lightning, you idiot. Have you noticed at about the same time the wicked sky lights are flashing, there are evil drops of liquid falling from the sky? We are in a drought. I would think rain would make you thankful.

As far as the dead animals go, you idiots don’t know how to drive on the winding mountain roads. That is called ROADKILL. If you will notice, these are squirrels and rabbits that just walk in front of you as you drive down the mountain with your retired tunnelvisionist eyes glaring straight ahead.

We live at the top of this mountain. Your friends and neighbors cannot even see my house for all the trees surrounding it, so there is no need for you to freak out over my lawn stuff. I will not be moving things, so take whatever action you feel is necessary.

See you in hell,

Love,

Chris XXXXX

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXX:X
Boone, NC 28607

October 25, 2002

Dear Mr .and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you again, not on the issue of your gargoyle, which you are determined not to remove from display in our neighborhood, but on the issue of your Christmas lights.

Are you aware that it is not yet November? You apparently put up Christmas lights the second week of this month and insist on plugging them in nightly. We can all see your glowing display late into the night over the mountain horizon. It is keeping several of us awake at night and we do not appreciate such flagrant non-adherence to the Association rules. Page six of your Homeowner’s Association guidelines specifically states that the neighborhood shall remain seasonal, with holiday displays not to be presented in a period greater than two weeks prior or after said holiday.

Your lights are a distraction to visitors. An acquaintance who works at Boone Airport has said that your lights are obnoxious and a turn-off to visitors who land at the airport. If this is an attempt to retaliate against us for the gargoyle incident, we are becoming increasingly annoyed with your behavior. Legal action may be necessary to either A) force you to move out of our
once peaceful neighborhood or B) obtain a court ordered fine for your continuing defiance of our rules and regulations.

If you think we will back down on this issue, as we did on the issue of your gargoyle, you are sadly mistaken.

In addition, we are disturbed by the constant removal of trees from your property. Sunday morning is not a proper time for you to operate your chainsaw. Our community prides itself on the beautiful forestry that surround our neighborhood and we are determined to stop you from ruining the scenery. Please leave our trees alone!

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

November 4, 2002

Dear Ardna (I just can’t believe that is your name),

I AM aware of the date. If this neighborhood is like the last one I lived in, you will not be putting up lights at all, no matter what the date is. The last neighborhood, I was the only house on the street to put up lights, as it is Siberian-like weather here in December, perhaps the reason no one puts up lights.

Why do you care that my lights are up? Again, I live at the top of the mountain and nobody can even see my house. If it keeps you awake at night, close your freakin’ windows and quit peering out them like Mrs. Kravitz. I am not up here for your amusement. If you want a show, I will be I glad to give you one on New Year’ s Eve, otherwise, QUIT LOOKIN’ MY WAY .

I will not be taking down my lights because of your meek little letter, as it took me 10 days to put them all up. Page six of the guidelines also is the reference page that my gargoyle fell into. I am officially tearing page six out of my guidelines and wiping my ass with it. I will then post it to the tree nearest my mailbox for all your visitors to see. Feel free to take it down and examine it or use it as evidence against my in your little lawsuit.

Did someone really fly into Boone International Airport? Did they really complain about my lights? If so, then I obtained my goal. Someone noticed my lights and I gave the one person who flies into that parking lot something to go home and tell their friends about. Why did you back off on my gargoyle? Did someone tell you your letter to me, coming off as an inbred Christian fanatic was posted all over the internet, and read by many, many people? I got more feedback from people I don’t even know telling me to sue YOU for civil rights violations than you would know.

As for the trees I plunked down $140,000.00 for this house and the acre of property that goes with it. These are MY trees, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what you think about me cutting them down. Aren’t you in church on Sunday Morning, rescuing the world from
gargoyle-bearing heathens? The way I see it, this is the BEST time for me to cut down my trees. There are over 300 trees on my property and I will cut them all down if I wish. Then you will have a better view of my house, my gargoyle and my feces smeared page six of the Homeowner’s Association rules and regulations nailed to the one tree I will leave standing.

Oh, and I’m not done putting up lights yet. Enjoy.

As always, love,

Chris XXXXX
The Satan loving, electricity burning tree killer.

[Bob Forsythe]

Interesting. I responded to this and the response has disappeared.

=Bob

[sportnlyf]

Be careful Bekays, there are some here wait up late at night in hopes of finding some "evil doers" to put in their sights.

[AztecWilliam]

This exchange of emails really sounds like a phony to me. And a pretty obvious one, at that. I'd guess this is a stereotypical anti-Christian concoction from somebody on the Left who thinks the most serious threat to civilization as we know it comes from churchgoing Southerners.

Please don't misunderstand. I am very, very familiar with homeowners associations and am well aware of how autocratic they can be. (One friend of mine who lives in such a development refers to them as the "Pool Nazis.") While it may conceivably be authentic, this sounds much more like made-up brickbat thrown at folks whom the author sees as far less intelligent, far less sophisticated than he.

And, for the record, I am myself an avowed agnostic of long standing. My agnosticism, however, does not lead me to automatically ridicule other people's faiths.

AzWm

[Bob Forsythe]

Aug 5, 2009 8:47:53 GMT -8 AztecWilliam said:

This exchange of emails really sounds like a phony to me. And a pretty obvious one, at that. I'd guess this is a stereotypical anti-Christian concoction from somebody on the Left who thinks the most serious threat to civilization as we know it comes from churchgoing Southerners.
AzWm

It may or may not be made up, but let's consider this statement:

The display you have set up on the outer section of your lot has us a bit concerned as the statue appears to be a type of Pagan worshipping symbol, unlike the other lawn decorations in our neighborhood. Shirley Whitley, a neighbor of yours says that this is a Satanic being and that you may be involved in the Occult.

Whether or not it was actually written, I think that we need to keep in mind McMartin Pre-School and Dale Akiki. Both cases ruined lives and both were based upon a total whack-job of a child shrink. A friend's brother was an associate pastor at Faith Chapel and had to leave the community he'd been a part of for 20 years when he realized that the nut jobs had taken over and were engaged in a witch hunt in the Akiki case. And my God, if you've ever read much of anything on the McMartin case, you know how brutalized that family was from the ridiculous charges.

My ex was an incest victim and during McMartin she would shout at the TV that children don't lie. Well, as was shown, they don't intentionally lie, but they can be pushed to believe things that aren't true by adults (same thing that happened in the Stephanie Crowe case when cops extracted "confessions" for her brother and his two friends by grilling them for interminable hours.

In short, Will, these people can be dangerous. It's only been 300 years or so since the Salem witch trials. We like to think that we are oh, so civilized now, but ignorant people fall back into the old patterns quite quickly when they are told by their religious leaders to do so.

=Bob

[AztecWilliam]

You make good points, Bob, but that does not excuse made up stories. Wasn't that the theme of one of those newspaper hoaxes a few years back? The Left, after the thing had been exposed as false, came back with, "Well, it has value even if it was made up." Hell, no, a false story is false, period!

Basically, those who excuse false stories just because they play into preconceived narratives are way off base. For them, the turthfulness of a story is not important just so long as the story is one of the Left's cherised fictions.

AzWm

[Bob Forsythe]

Aug 5, 2009 18:40:32 GMT -8 AztecWilliam said:

You make good points, Bob, but that does not excuse made up stories. Wasn't that the theme of one of those newspaper hoaxes a few years back? The Left, after the thing had been exposed as false, came back with, "Well, it has value even if it was made up." Hell, no, a false story is false, period!

Basically, those who excuse false stories just because they play into preconceived narratives are way off base. For them, the turthfulness of a story is not important just so long as the story is one of the Left's cherised fictions.

AzWm

Hell, Pooh has been excusing false stories for years just because they're good fodder for trolls. Whether or not it's true, I think you're making it more political than it is. Unfortunately it's a subscription site as near as I can tell so we don't see the other email exchanges, but I don't see any reason to assume that it's a left website.

=Bob

[aztecwin]

Aug 4, 2009 16:54:57 GMT -8 Bob Forsythe said:

Interesting. I responded to this and the response has disappeared.

=Bob

Just because you are paranoid it does not mean they are not after you! ;D

It was probably toxic and Zip erased it!

[Bob Forsythe]

Aug 8, 2009 15:17:28 GMT -8 aztecwin said:

Aug 4, 2009 16:54:57 GMT -8 Bob Forsythe said:

Interesting. I responded to this and the response has disappeared.

=Bob

Just because you are paranoid it does not mean they are not after you! ;D

It was probably toxic and Zip erased it!

Zip doesn't run this forum, halfwit. It's sad to see old people losing their faculties. Try doing crossword puzzles every day instead of having those margaritas at the 19th hole.

=Bob

[aztecwin]

Aug 8, 2009 18:47:45 GMT -8 Bob Forsythe said:

Aug 8, 2009 15:17:28 GMT -8 aztecwin said:

Just because you are paranoid it does not mean they are not after you! ;D

It was probably toxic and Zip erased it!

Zip doesn't run this forum, halfwit. It's sad to see old people losing their faculties. Try doing crossword puzzles every day instead of having those margaritas at the 19th hole.

=Bob

I know that, I just figured that Zip had given William some advice on how to handle you. Actually, I keep forgetting what board I am on.

[Bob Forsythe]

Aug 9, 2009 2:37:06 GMT -8 aztecwin said:

Aug 8, 2009 18:47:45 GMT -8 Bob Forsythe said:

Zip doesn't run this forum, halfwit. It's sad to see old people losing their faculties. Try doing crossword puzzles every day instead of having those margaritas at the 19th hole.

=Bob

I know that, I just figured that Zip had given William some advice on how to handle you. Actually, I keep forgetting what board I am on.

Most likely the same reason you keep forgetting those mulligans you take ;D.

=Bob

[greysuit]

Aug 5, 2009 8:47:53 GMT -8 AztecWilliam said:

This exchange of emails really sounds like a phony to me. And a pretty obvious one, at that. I'd guess this is a stereotypical anti-Christian concoction from somebody on the Left who thinks the most serious threat to civilization as we know it comes from churchgoing Southerners.

Please don't misunderstand. I am very, very familiar with homeowners associations and am well aware of how autocratic they can be. (One friend of mine who lives in such a development refers to them as the "Pool Nazis.") While it may conceivably be authentic, this sounds much more like made-up brickbat thrown at folks whom the author sees as far less intelligent, far less sophisticated than he.

And, for the record, I am myself an avowed agnostic of long standing. My agnosticism, however, does not lead me to automatically ridicule other people's faiths.

AzWm

Hey! dont lump us Athiests in with the lefties!