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Jokes
Sept 9, 2016 11:23:14 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Sept 9, 2016 11:23:14 GMT -8
Chinese Chef
A Chinese chef marries his long time sweetheart. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On their Honeymoon night, she cowers under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting you wan, you tell me. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently, for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan... numba 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries: "You wan... Beef wif Broccori?"
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Jokes
Sept 13, 2016 9:28:01 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Sept 13, 2016 9:28:01 GMT -8
Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!! A good laugh for people in the over 70 group !!! When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship... When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot." P.S. I know some of you are not over 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.......Not me; I figured your sense of humor could handle it.... We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.
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Jokes
Sept 14, 2016 15:40:13 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Sept 14, 2016 15:40:13 GMT -8
This got a big chuckle out of me.
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2016 7:25:50 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Sept 24, 2016 7:25:50 GMT -8
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2016 12:35:39 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Oct 6, 2016 12:35:39 GMT -8
Rodney Dangerfield Jokes
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
I tell you, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.”
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek – she bent over!
I tell you, with my doctor, I don’t get no respect. I told him, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.” He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!
Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.
I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.”
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
My mother had morning sickness. After I was born.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father had his own way of showing love. He always carried around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There are so many places they can hide.”
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, “On your mark…”
I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!
My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That’s when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint–a Saint Bernard!
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy…why are you doing that for?” He said, “Because you came home early.”
I went to see my doctor…I told him once, “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me? He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”
My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, “If you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.” He said, “All right. You’re ugly too!”
I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look, twins!”
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Jokes
Oct 25, 2016 9:57:13 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Oct 25, 2016 9:57:13 GMT -8
Lee Trevino: Why I Mow My Own Yard (A true story; you got to love him.) One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did. A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?" Lee responded, “Yes Ma'am, I do." The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?” Lee said, "Well, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her." The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
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Jokes
Nov 1, 2016 5:48:36 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Nov 1, 2016 5:48:36 GMT -8
Holy Humor A LITTLE HOLY HUMOUR During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1.) Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. 2.) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3.) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4.) Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store. GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up." DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms." THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know." UNANSWERED PRAYER The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked. BEING THANKFUL A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men'!" SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
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Jokes
Nov 6, 2016 19:31:47 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Nov 6, 2016 19:31:47 GMT -8
TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY: 31. When I retire, I'm movin' north. 30. Oh I wouldn’t dare; she's only sixteen. 29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won't fix that. 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken with a slice of lime. 26. We don't keep no guns in this house. 25. You can't feed that to the dog. 24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 23. Wrestling is fake. 22. We're vegetarians. 21. Do you think my gut is too big? 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy. 19. Honey, we don't need another dog. 18. Who gives a $#!+ who won the Civil War? 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 14. Trim the fat off that steak. 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 12. The tires on that truck are too damn big. 11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE. 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 8. I've got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl. 7. Checkmate! 6. She's too young to be wearing that bikini. 5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 4. I don't have a favorite football team. 3. Youse Guys. 2. Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY: 1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us down to help in the Hillary Campaign.
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Jokes
Dec 10, 2016 9:51:09 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Dec 10, 2016 9:51:09 GMT -8
Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven. God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell." So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell. On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate. Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?". Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
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Jokes
Dec 11, 2016 9:58:08 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Dec 11, 2016 9:58:08 GMT -8
A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. They all went in at the same time. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. Five minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out.
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Jokes
Dec 13, 2016 10:47:54 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Dec 13, 2016 10:47:54 GMT -8
Winter Boots He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.” She looked, and sure enough, they were. Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet. He then announced, “These aren't my boots.” She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn't you say so?” like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, “They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear them today.” Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?” He said, “I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.” She'll be eligible for parole in three years.
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Jokes
Jan 8, 2017 15:41:04 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 8, 2017 15:41:04 GMT -8
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, 'What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with.' He thought, 'There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.' He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?" > He said, "I'm NOT happy.........My balls itch!" Heart-warming stories like this, just brings a tear to my eye...
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Jokes
Jan 11, 2017 10:02:32 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 11, 2017 10:02:32 GMT -8
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, she attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
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Jokes
Jan 14, 2017 7:10:33 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 14, 2017 7:10:33 GMT -8
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Jokes
Jan 14, 2017 11:31:21 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 14, 2017 11:31:21 GMT -8
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank."
Passenger: “Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.
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Jokes
Jan 15, 2017 9:30:21 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 15, 2017 9:30:21 GMT -8
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
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Jokes
Jan 15, 2017 9:33:18 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 15, 2017 9:33:18 GMT -8
---------------------- Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
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Jokes
Jan 16, 2017 21:11:47 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 16, 2017 21:11:47 GMT -8
Lena asks her boyfriend Ole to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the Lena tells Ole that after dinner, she would like to go out and (vell ya know) for the first time. Well, Ole is ecstatic, but he has never (vell ya know) before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps Ole for about an hour. He teaches Ole everything there is to know about protection and (vell ya know). At the register, the pharmacist asks Ole how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. Ole insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, Ole shows up at the Lena's parent's house and meets her at the door. "Ole I'm so excited for you ta meet my parents, come on in." Ole goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Lena's parents are seated. Ole quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes and Ole is still deep in prayer with his head down. Three minutes of praying pass and still no movement from Ole. Finally, after five minutes of praying with his head down, Lena leans over and whispers to her Ole, "I had no idea you vere so religious." Ole turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father vas a pharmacist."
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Jokes
Jan 17, 2017 13:22:06 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 17, 2017 13:22:06 GMT -8
A Very Touching Story
The Woman Marine Pilot
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.
Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, And all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, And then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, Until she ran out of bullets, Killed four more with the knife, Till the blade broke, And then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?" "Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
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Jokes
Jan 19, 2017 16:16:09 GMT -8
Post by aztecwin on Jan 19, 2017 16:16:09 GMT -8
Old Pilot
A gray-headed old man shuffled into a downtown bar holding his head up high. His hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was a Navy Sea Wolf pilot, flying Huey`s in support of the Navy SEALS, spec war operators back in 'Nam, but when they retired the Sea Wolves, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officers' Club happy hours, so here I am."
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy,but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.....?
The old pilot shuffled his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender took the old Sea Wolf pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After along pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself."
The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the Sea Wolf pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second offered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."
He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.
When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"
"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
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