These glorious insults are from an era before th

[The Great Aztec Joe]

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four letter words.




The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."


"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial" - Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . For support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

[Bob Forsythe]

Always a great topic. I went to school at Pt. Loma with a girl whose mother grew up in England and came of age during the blitz. She loved to tell Churchill stories. My favorite of those was one she told about Churchill when he wasn't PM but leader of the opposition. Seems this Labor member got into a total tirade about Churchill. All of a sudden Churchill dived under his seat and started feeling around with his hands. The tirade giver asked him what he was doing and Churchill told him it was no worry and he should continue on with his speech.

He did that and Churchill continued to scramble around under his desk. Again the member interrupted his tirade to ask "Mr. Churchill" what he was doing. Churchill replied, more or less, "Sorry old boy, but you see I've dropped my jujubees and I'm just trying to find them".

The tirade ended.

My other favorite is Marx on Victor Mature. He said (and I watched him say it on one of the late night programs back in the early '70s) that he would never watch a movie where the leading man's bosom was larger than the leading lady's.

For all your faults, Joe, you do have a serious appreciation of the language and that, in itself, makes it worthwhile to duel with you.

=Bob